diving into mental health awareness we take a look at the connection to it due to maternal relationships. so many artist, celebs, influencers & the like have been more and more transparent about the hurt and healing. with our founder, coming from a toxic maternal relationship, exasperated by having disabled siblings, parents in toxic love triangles and witnessing the matriarch in a hostile (often caused by her) partnership, with an extremely religious background.. it suffices us to say that the pattern in the black community specifically, is the lack of fathers guiding their sons and the strain and jealous nature of mothers over their daughters. when reversed, you have young boys who cannot relate to their mothers, and young girls who cannot/ have not received their fathers warmth and love. may is mental health awareness but it is also the day in which mothers are celebrated, could we possibly use this month to heal hurt made by those who are suppose to act as a matriarch. with people going out of their way to imitate and emulate things that are in poor taste, for the sake of clout & attn, in a world riddled with people who find caring an act of weakness, can we somehow create habits that heal the mind through identifying points of unwellness mental created by poor tendencies of maternal love.
seeing statements like:
remind us, of a recount that one of our admins, shared, about growing up in a toxic maternal family as someone who was parentified, and then shamed after achieving successes, often asked to give, and then criticized when not having. they shared that their experience was riddled with constantly, being told/hearing during arguments with spouses.. "i would never have you again, if i could choose", "don't have kids", "wish i never had kids", "kids are a waste", as a child your opinions don't matter", "you don't have to like him, he is here", "all my kids are dead (though her kids were a love)", "your like the devil", "the devil is in you", "cast out the devil", "my kids are dead", being spied on (starting as a child), and eavesdropping into adult-hood, being financially irresponsible. utilizing manipulative tactics and getting upset when it doesn't work.. like antagonizing both verbal and physical fights, being given gifts, and asking for the money or item back, having men around that 'cant be trusted' but having the child maintain the responsibility of hiding and veering them off instead, making up lies of sexual pursuit for personal vendettas on the childs behalf, having the child caught up in feuds and being jump to retaliate against the child not listening, being called a whore, lying out of spite, trying to publicly humiliate and shame out of jealousy and attention seeking, spitting, and biting at their children, tampering with food, laughing at failures/trials, being told that dependent on what is worn, they'd be asking for it, degrading, along with hostile, along with statements of wishing death directly to their child, placing all financial failures and blame on their kids, converts to a religion and uses the same tactics to try and change the religious beliefs of the child, people being kicked out and shunned for being gay, people with disabilities being made fun of, by parents, ruining relationships that are positive to make the kid have to rely on them, destroying relationships to make it so that you are the one that appears like the only savior, ....were some things shared, and all signs of personality disorder, narcissistic behavior and schizophrenia. and it starts when they're young, because its called "rearing" trying to make a child devoted and docile through fear and other horrible parental tactics. to be fair, the admin could not watch beyond episode one of a few shows, nor finish certain episodes due to its triggering nature.
we can see why, and how, some people do in fact find home, and/or home aides to deal with parents who health is flailing. with celebrities like will smith speaking openly about their relationships with their parents, we started doing a deep dive of our own. influencers like blacc chyna, tommie from LHHA, as well as some others, like moniece slaughter, jada pinkett smith who has openly spoken about & alluded to how her and her mother needed to mend their relationship just because of a generational gap in several different videos on the show but also talking of domestic violence from her father figure on red table talk. we have realized that many women, feel as though the they too have been left without parents, not just the boys.
we see that mothers are often given more excuses. with statements like "i don't care if she sells your p**** to an army, you do not disrespect your mother.. we are sharing how hearing remarks like "i brought you in this world i could take you out", "i will stomp a mud hole in your face" "hearing things like you'll never be good as_____ insert", and other things of that nature outside of "joking".. over time creates the tune your child dances too in their head. trying to create a space where your child feels like suicide is the only option, is an action of a parent who more than likely is feeling & going through their own issues.
but what do you do when someone has spent years making conversation hard or impossible & doesn't see wrong in their actions for healing? identify the disorder(s), create boundaries, & find ways to love yourself and people to love on. hugs, touch & affectionate statements are healing.. in a world where people wish to turn you into the worst part of your past, memories & kinships, the best thing to do is to surround yourself with souls who are seeking the same thing, that should be success, peace, love & happiness. when in difficult situations makes the environment difficult, utilize travel, reading, and other entertainment to distract your mind. keep focus on things that are positive for you, and remind yourself that you're allowed grace & no one can be you AT ALL ever, your uniqueness is yours & therefore, you are and will always be wanted, figuratively, do not & we repeat, do not, kill anyone, lol. parental issues especially maternal should not be discussed, often times to not humiliate the parent in old age, but truth is, theyre responsible for the crap theyve done and should carry their burdens. being compassionate and caring, but do not carry their burdens.
here are some traits of some mental health disorders:
we love the moment where blacc chyna says:
" this is where i break the cycle because king & dream will never see this. i am done with the loud argumentative.."
remember, they're parents but they are human, so sometimes, your good life feels like a reminder of all the things they could not amass for themselves. sometimes its shame on making so many mistakes, sometimes it the fact that they hate that there is something to hold over their head, other times, its loneliness and an even bigger reason is an identity crisis. which ever way you look at it, understand, it is never your fault for wanting more, for wanting better, for trying to create peace and structure. you do not have to fall into anyone else's guideline on how to live, and lastly, parent should want what makes their child happy, and aim to assist when and how they can, you are never wrong for wanting nor seeking a bond with them outside of the toxicity they create. if that is all they know, it may be all they want / feel accustomed to and they should never make you feel badly because you're unable to do something, especially when they have never aimed to do it themselves.
as a reminder: make a note to yourself "i will not be healing anyone other than myself. i do not have to carry the burdens of others. their problems are not tied with me, i am myown person, who can make proper decisions and i owe myself a wonderful life with people who understand and like to expand. no one else is entitled to me." when people try to come together to tell you who you are, or alter who you know yourself to be and how you think of yourself tell yourself the above. part of gaslighting in maternal toxicity is to gain mental control over the child for their own personal gain and supply. they can enlist others as a way to bond, as a way to try and keep others away and you for themselves. we see this often in widows, in women who have no family, how they only want their child to be a reflection of them literally, only to go places with them, live with them and need them. if they do not get their supply or fill of attention, they begin to "act out" like a bad child. often times, utilizing tactics seen in romantic relationships, because they have mentally crossed that line and boundary. only seeing their child as either someone to gain something from, or useless. children of these types usually grow to amass a huge amount of success, so never give up hope of breaking away.
quote from founder "i've experienced a lot of things, one being, told that the literal rat i saw was a made up fabrication of my mind, only to find an image of the dead rat caught, in their phone a year later, taken a year before when it was initially caught. no apology. no "you were right" in fact, had i not had to log in for some other reason, i wouldn't have known that it was caught, nor that others were seen on the premise, had i not spoken up and believed in what i saw, had i let someone else tell me what to believe, had i decided anything other than the truth because i trusted another over my own instincts, that person would be sick, and the area worst off. it was my complaining for years to do something about a prevalent & growing issue that drastically reduced the situation, finally getting people to chip in for an exterminator in the neighborhood, only to not have to because it made them take me serious enough to get one for the house.. and redo the holes that they found in electrical, and the walls, and the ceiling. but the fact that adults couldn't begin to apologize for being wrong as of having shame upon them, reminded me, the lengths people will always go to save this idea of the perception they have of themselves. dismantle that shit. do not humiliate just for the sake of.. but when people are trying to purposely make you go crazy, f*ck them. ... i have many other specific recounts of the toxic up-brining i've endured over the years, and so i sympathize with anyone who has gone through and is going through. it does not make you weak, and the people who try to make you feel weak or wrong, are scared you will out them. that's the tea. they do not want to be found out, so we have curated a quiet culture of hiding the very things that keep a negative cycle going. to give more to ourselves and our children, we have to accept it for it is, and actively make better choices for them and for us. becoming someone to inflict the stupidity keeps us at a disadvantage, collectively we have to start apologizing and healing and making changes to bring up a generation of elite kids to advance. the idea that people want to know so they can use it against you doesn't work when you get behind it first. you cant shame me for anything in my past.. it isn't who i am now, it was not my fault then, and well, your sh*t probably stinks worse than mine. fear of judgement should not stop us from living fully aware and real lives. it makes us relatable. we can get through anything whole in tack and unscathed when were transparent enough about them. we can create the art, be the art without re-living nor suffering through it. healing doesn't always have to hurt but it can be uncomfortable. do something cathartic. "if she wants to kill herself, is hard to hear but 'i wish i never had kids, its like having nothing to show for it, one is nothing like me, doesn't like anything i do, and the other, i love but is autistic.. better off not having any kids"is a bit worse. both, wrong. you're only good enough for the braggin' rights if not what they can gain / benefit, once that leaves, the disdain grows. that is not how maternal love should be. so if it is, and anyone goes through that, you should not have to, you are right for wanting more."
with an update: the daughter mother duo seem to be fine, and have absolved their problems for now. we are happy to know of a mending relationship between the pair, though we are using their public situation as an example of toxic maternal kinship, we do note that the family have come together for court and that the pair has seemingly put their issues in the past. we wish them the best, along with peace and clarity for them & their own. their business is not ours but for every young girl facing these troubles, know you are not alone. if they can mend theirs, you can too.
may mothers who have to go to therapy, apologize or take a look into their own behavior too know that they are loved. may is for mothers but its also for #mentalhealthawareness